Sunday, January 07, 2007

Metafores and Asimiles

By C. L. Beck
© 2007

I’m sure I’ve never met a fore or a simile that I didn’t like. That is, if I could remember what a metaphor or a simile is. There’s a composition and grammar book sitting on my desk that I refer to constantly, but when I went to look those terms up, my glasses had gone into hiding and the words looked like little ants. However, my less than 20-20 vision did tell me I could learn about meta-sores and similax in the book. (This might also explain why my biscuits are as heavy as bricks and just as tasty when I follow a recipe without wearing my glasses.)

Eventually the glasses turned up in the laundry basket and after putting them on, I immediately started on matters of high priority. I opened my email and found the joke of the day from the "Good, Clean Funnies List". That's when I discovered I'm not the only one who can't tell a metaphor from a semaphore from Connect Four.

Thinking you would enjoy these, I've pasted the email below for your reading pleasure. It’s a safe bet the analogies listed are metaphors ... or maybe similes. It’s not a safe bet that they're good ones.


These are actual analogies found in high school essays.

- John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.

- Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel
trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted

- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But
unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from
not eating for a while.

- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from
stepping on a landmine or something.

- The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one
slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

- It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids
with power tools.

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

- Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten
to put in any pH cleanser.

- She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing

- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally
staple it to the wall.

(Brought to you by The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100 , Harvest , AL 35749 , USA
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at
http://www.gcfl. net/latest. php)


Nichole Giles said...

I can always count on you for a good laugh! Thanks for that.


C. L. Beck said...

Thanks, Nichole. Your comment was as sweet as a piece of French toast covered with syrup ... only not as sticky. :-)

Marsha Ward said...

C. L., I've read these analogies before, but they're always good for a hearty belly laugh. With your preliminary comments, they're priceless. Thanks!

C. L. Beck said...

I have a theory that there is really only one email out there, and it just keeps re-circulating until it SEEMS new to us.:-)

Thanks for reading. Your comment was as heartwarming as the first daffy-o-dilly in spring.