Sunday, February 04, 2007

License Plate Frame Slogans (And a Contest!)

By C.L. Beck
© 2007

If you want to see how important writing is, just take a look around. Words are everywhere. For example, there are tee shirts with all kinds of sayings. One of my favorites (in light of having reached the ripe old age of plenty-nine) is “I’d rather be over the hill than under it”. Appliances all have instructions on the boxes. Steam iron manufacturers now list the caution, “Do not use while wearing clothes”. I find that advice to be a little ambiguous. I can't decide if it means you should iron naked, or you shouldn’t iron the clothes while on your body.

Luckily for writers, the written word is in our mail, on our televisions (oh, yes, you know you’ve been reading that little ticker tape at the bottom of CNN), as well as imprinted on our sunglasses and license plates frames. Hey, it’s even in our underwear! For the moment, though, I’d like to ignore the underwear (not wearing it, just writing about it) and concentrate on the advice given on the rear of vehicles.

The other day, my husband, Russ, and I were driving along reading the license plate frames of passing cars, and we came up with our own list of original slogans:

If you don’t like my driving … get off my windshield.

This vehicle powered by 350 horses … watch out for exhaust.

Mountain Heights Hospital … your link to eternity.

My lawyer’s smarter than your lawyer … go ahead and hit me.

My grandkids … are kinda homely. Can I have one of yours?

Pass with caution … blind driver.

He who dies with the most toys … has toddlers at home.

My child is a proud graduate … of the Utah State Correctional Facility Cooking School.

How do you expect me to soar like an eagle … when I’m a big chicken.

Friends don’t let friends drive … over other people.

(And my personal favorite, which only women would understand.) You toucha my car, I breaka you … fingernail.

I’m sure all these slogans have inspired at least one for you, so I’m running a contest. Submit your own, original slogan(s) as a comment on this blog. The best entry—as determined by me; my husband, Russ; my dog, Corky Porky Pie; and whomever else I designate—wins a genuine, almost two inches tall, never-before-used-in-a-bathtub, RUBBER DUCKY!

Please note that, despite the photo shown above, your ducky will not have been sitting in a mud puddle. The ducky shown is a professional model/actor who has been hired for this photo shoot.

Contest is subject to rules and regulations as governed by the great State of Utah … blah, blah, blah ... contest ends February 28, 2007.

(I’m sorry I won’t be able to respond to every entry personally, but be assured that in my heart, I’m laughing at yours.)


Triple Nickel said...

Fun blog. Just remember, when the chips are down, the cow is empty! Or, never underestimate the power of a group of idiots bonded in a common cause!
Thanks for a good one!

C. L. Beck said...

Hmm. Are those supposed to be slogans, or just the rantings of an unhinged mind?:-)

Honestly and truly, I'm joking about that. I wouldn't even think of saying you had an unhinged mind if it weren't for the fact that my third cousin, whose married to George Albert Smith's eighth cousin twice removed, on somebody's grandfather's side, thinks they might have figured out who you are.

At any rate, since no one else has showed up yet, I'll count your comments as slogans. Thanks for entering!

W.L.Elliott said...

Oh, I have so many favorite bumper stickers!!

"I do what my Rice Krispies tell me to!"

"I drive a Rolls Kinardly - rolls down one hill, kin 'ardly get up the other side!"

and my very, very fave?

"Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy to eat and taste good with ketchup!"

John Ferguson said...

The most memorable slogan I've seen was on the back of a brand-new, purple Volkswagen Bug. It said, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Porsche." It still brings a smile to my face.

C. L. Beck said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
C. L. Beck said...

W.L. Elliot,
Thanks for reading and submitting your slogans.

I have to say they were all fun, but the one I liked the most was the same as yours, about not meddling with dragons.

If the day ever comes that I meet a dragon (Kamoto or otherwise), I'll be sure to remember your advice. :-)

C. L. Beck said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
C. L. Beck said...

In case anyone is wondering about the deleted comments ... I can't seem to spell this morning, and I just can't stand to leave a comment out there with spelling errors. :-) LOL

C. L. Beck said...

HA! That's a good one. Now I just HAVE to go out and buy a VW so I can put that on it!:-)

Thanks for reading and for entering the contest.

Darvell Hunt said...

One of my favorites is: "My other car is a junker, too."


C. L. Beck said...

I love that one!

Speaking of junkers ... I have a relative who likes to buy used cars. Very used. The last one had no side mirror and the front seat was held to the frame with duct tape. Honest, I kid you not. The first time he drove it, it went half a mile and died in an intersection, never to be resurrected again.

What can I say? I have interesting relatives.

Thanks for reading and for entering, Darvell.

Nichole Giles said...

My favorite is on a t-shirt I own. (I had to buy it, I couldn't stop laughing.)

It says, "My reality check bounced."

And another one, "Don't give me attitude, I have my own."

But if you must have one from a car, what about "My other car is a broomstick"?


(This one I made up myself) "Undercover surveillance vehicle...surrender your chocolate."

Fun contest!


C. L. Beck said...

Those gave me a good laugh! I must admit my favorite was the one you made up. The punch line was so unexpected that I laughed out loud ...which made Corky Porky Pie perk up an ear and open one eye from his resting place on the floor.

Thanks for reading and for entering.

Tristi Pinkston said...

I'm really late to chime in here, but my favorite saying was on a t-shirt. It's so me. "Don't start with me; you won't win."