Diet Coke Baths

By Darvell Hunt

“And again, strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.” --Doctrine & Covenants 89:7

To conform to the Word of Wisdom, I recently began taking Diet Coke baths. I had a soda fountain tap installed on my bathtub and it works great. I use diet because the sugar tends to dry out my skin. I was also worried that the sugar would soak into my love handles by osmosis.

The soda fountain tap is the best solution I've found so far for washing my body in a strong drink. Do you know how many two-liter bottles it takes to fill a tub? That's just not practical.

Try it, you'll like it. The carbonation tickles more than just your nose! And try a lime scented candle for added effect (better than just using lime-flavored diet coke).

I was also worried that, although Diet Coke is probably a strong enough drink for conservative Mormons to comply with the above scripture, us liberal Mormon who actually drink a case of it per day might have to get something stronger in which to wiggle our toes.

Okay, I admit it, the above is not true. What I tried to do was introduce to you an old topic in a new way—a way that perhaps you’ve never thought about before.

While attending the recent BYU conference on writing, I kept hearing the same thing, which was basically this: It’s not good enough to have excellent writing and a great story—your book has to be fresh and different and show a new way of looking at something.

Well, I don’t know if a Diet Coke bath is fresh enough to get me noticed, but it’s probably a good start.